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英文簡(jiǎn)歷:避免客套羅嗦
避免客套羅嗦、語(yǔ)義重復(fù)。
如果可以用40個(gè)字寫(xiě)完一封信,卻花了100個(gè)字作長(zhǎng)篇累牘的敘述,這樣的寫(xiě)作者實(shí)在是最令人討厭的時(shí)間殺手。不僅浪費(fèi)了自己的時(shí)間,也給別人帶來(lái)了不必要的麻煩。所以在寫(xiě)作商務(wù)信函時(shí)要盡可能地使用通俗易懂的語(yǔ)言作簡(jiǎn)明扼要的陳述,避免用陳舊的套話( cliché )和沒(méi)有什么實(shí)際意義的詞語(yǔ)。刪掉那些不必要的羅嗦的字句。如:
例(5):We would like to know whether you would allow us to extend the time of shipment for twenty days. And if you would be so kind as to allow us to do so, kindly give us your reply by fax without delay.
。ㄎ覀兒芟胫滥欠裨试S我們將交貨時(shí)間延期二十天,如果你方友好地容許我方延期二十天交貨,請(qǐng)速電復(fù)無(wú)誤。)
本句由42個(gè)單詞組成,要求將交貨日期延遲二十天。表達(dá)上的過(guò)分客氣使得句子冗長(zhǎng)而不清楚。而且,“to extend the time of shipment for twenty days.”這一表達(dá)在意義上也很含糊,為了更好的表達(dá)主要意思,這句可以改寫(xiě)為:
Please reply by fax immediately if you will allow us to delay the shipment until April 21.
(如果統(tǒng)一我方將交貨時(shí)間延期至四月二十一日,請(qǐng)速電復(fù)。)
例(6): With reference to your request for an extension on your note under date of March 20,we have considered the matter carefully and are pleased to tell you that we will be willing to allow you an additional 90 days to make payment on your note.
這段話只有一個(gè)重點(diǎn),那就是寫(xiě)信者很樂(lè)意多給讀信者90天的時(shí)間來(lái)支付3月20日到期的貨款?删驮谶@段話中有兩句多余的話。第一句“With reference to your request for an extension on your note under date of March 20”純屬多余,因?yàn)檫@是給對(duì)方的回信,只要寫(xiě)信者提到同意放寬付款期限,讀信者就一定知道是關(guān)于何事。第二句是“we have considered the matter carefully and”放寬付款期限在一項(xiàng)商業(yè)貿(mào)易中是一件很重要的大事,任何人都會(huì)慎重考慮的,對(duì)方從你的口氣中已經(jīng)知道了你是經(jīng)過(guò)深思熟慮之后才做的決定。在這里寫(xiě)出來(lái)不僅顯得多此一舉,而且會(huì)使讀信人覺(jué)得寫(xiě)信人有一種施恩惠給自己的意思,極其不禮貌。根據(jù)以上分析,原稿可以修改為:
We are pleased to allow you an additional 90 days to pay your note dated March 20.
你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)原稿(英文)一共用了46個(gè)字,而修改后的只用了17個(gè)字。如你所見(jiàn),刪除多余的字詞并無(wú)損語(yǔ)意的清晰程度,這次的文字手術(shù)反而更加突出了所要傳遞的信息。
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