最新英語(yǔ)笑話大全 笑破你的肚子

　　1、A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

　　一個(gè)小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過(guò)部隊(duì)營(yíng)房。兩名士兵想跟小家伙開(kāi)個(gè)玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牽得這么緊干什么?這樣，他就不會(huì)去參軍了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

　　2、Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

　　Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged . We just play to have fun.

　　Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

　　丈夫打完高爾夫球回來(lái)，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門口迎了上去。爸爸，誰(shuí)贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔?

　　我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，丈夫推諉說(shuō)。我們打球只是為了好玩而已。

　　莎拉毫不氣餒，又問(wèn)：那么，爸爸，誰(shuí)覺(jué)得更好玩呢?

　　3、One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds ofthings and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaningof the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied,"look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen asfour then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, “there’s only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

　　4、一哥們出國(guó)住酒店的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)有老鼠，但是英文太爛不知道老鼠的英語(yǔ)怎么說(shuō)，無(wú)奈之下打電話給前臺(tái)說(shuō):"Do you know Tom and Jerry ?" "Yes sir." "Jerry is here!!!"

　　5、跟一個(gè)印度人聊天，他冷不丁地問(wèn)我where is your balance?想了半天啥意思，平衡?存款?還是裝逼網(wǎng)上文類似find you balance?想了半天答曰：sorry I don't know.他很驚詫得望著我。我不解。后來(lái)咨詢高人，原來(lái)他在問(wèn)我我父母在哪兒。。泥煤。。。

　　6、問(wèn)印度人電話號(hào)碼，66603629她說(shuō)：sex sex sex,oh, free sex tonight.

　　7、Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?

　　凱溫：對(duì)不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個(gè)手指頭。

　　老師：怎么沒(méi)有扎繃帶呀?

　　凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。

　　8、Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣?

　　馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。

　　老師：錯(cuò)了。

　　馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運(yùn)來(lái)的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

　　9、One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn’t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What’s time to a pig?"

　　一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開(kāi)著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子。這位城里人看見(jiàn)一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹(shù)上的蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫回答說(shuō)，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"

　　10、"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."

　　"Yours?Can you prove it?"

　　"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."

　　"請(qǐng)?jiān)�諒，你占了我的位�?"

　　"你的位置?你能征明這點(diǎn)嗎?"

　　"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."

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