笑死人英語笑話一：

　　Jack told his wife, Helen, that he wanted to spend his vacation where he had never been before.Helen said, “How about the kitchen?”

　　杰克對他的妻子海倫說，他想去以前從沒到過的地方度假。海倫說：“去廚房怎么樣?”

　　笑死人英語笑話二：

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."The teacher asked, sarcastically, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　笑死人英語笑話三：

　　A little boy bustled(喧鬧，忙亂) into a grocery one day with a memorandum(便箋) in his hand.″Hello, Mr. Smith,″He said, ″I want thirteen pounds of coffee at 33 cents.″″Very good,″ said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.″Anything else, Charlie?″″Yes. Twenty-seven pounds of sugar at 9 cents.″″The loaf? And whatelse?″″Seven and a half pounds of bacon at 30 cents.″″That will be a good brand. Goon.″″Five pounds of tea at 90 cents, eleven and a half quarts of molasses at 8 cents a pint, two eight-pound hams at 31 cents, and five dozen jars of pickled walnuts(核桃)at 34 cents a jar.″The grocer made out the bill.″It's a big order,″ he said. ″Did your mother tell you to pay for it?″″My mother,″ said the boy, as he pocketed the neat and accurate bill, ″has nothing to do with this business. It is my arithmetic(算術) lesson and I had to get it done somehow.″

　　一天，一個小男孩匆匆忙忙地走進了一家雜貨店，手里拿著一張清單。“史密斯先生，你好，”他說道：“3毛3分錢一磅的咖啡，請給我13磅。”“好的，”雜貨店老板馬上把這筆生意記了下來。“還要別的什么，查理?”“要的。再要27磅糖，9分錢一磅的。”“面包要不要?還要什么?”“7磅半咸肉，3毛錢一磅的。”“這肉是名牌的呢，還有呢?”“9毛錢一磅的茶葉，給我5磅，8分錢一品脫的糖漿要11夸脫半，3毛1分錢一磅的8磅的大火腿要兩只，3毛4分錢一罐的腌核桃要5打。”雜貨店老板把賬單算了出來。“你買了很多東西，”他說：“你媽媽叫你現(xiàn)在把錢付清嗎?”小男孩一面把那清楚準確的賬單放進口袋，一面說：“這和我媽沒關系，這是我自己的算術作業(yè),我總得想辦法把它做出來!”

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