英語(yǔ)小故事笑話

　　(一)

　　The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

　　吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客 一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門(mén)，然后用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了之后，再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)。” “為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?” “你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”吝嗇鬼回答。

　　(二)

　　Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

　　忠告“年輕者” 這里想對(duì)將要退休者提一點(diǎn)忠告。如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬(wàn)別進(jìn)退休社區(qū)。因?yàn)槟抢锶巳硕计甙耸畾q或者八九十歲了。每當(dāng)要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時(shí)，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧。”

　　(三)

　　Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outsideof his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

　　哪一位女人? 一天晚上我開(kāi)著丈夫的車去購(gòu)物，回來(lái)后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時(shí)大聲喊：“世界上最愛(ài)你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃。” 我丈夫抬頭看了看，說(shuō)：“媽媽來(lái)了?”

　　(四)

　　The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　醫(yī)生住在樓下 “醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道。 “我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。” 他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的'胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

　　(五)

　　One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一個(gè)引擎 一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時(shí)，喇叭里傳來(lái)了機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“旅客們請(qǐng)注意，我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了。但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì)把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) 。” 過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，旅客們又聽(tīng)到機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎。但請(qǐng)你們相信好了。只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了。” 正在這時(shí)，一位乘客非常氣憤地說(shuō)：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們?cè)俚粢粋�(gè)引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

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