精選3個(gè)爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

　　在天堂結(jié)婚

　　A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

　　一對(duì)年輕的夫婦在去結(jié)婚的路上出了車(chē)禍，雙雙死去了。于是，他們來(lái)到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子問(wèn)是否她還可以和丈夫結(jié)婚，圣徒彼得告訴他們，關(guān)于這個(gè)問(wèn)題他一有了結(jié)果就會(huì)回來(lái)找他們。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回來(lái)了，并且告訴他們可以在天堂結(jié)婚。妻子又問(wèn)：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”圣徒彼得看著她，回答說(shuō)：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個(gè)傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個(gè)律師嗎?”

　　死亡訃告

　　The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. "How much does it cost to have an obituary printed"? asked the woman. "It's five dollars a word, ma'am," the clerk replied politely. "Fine," said the woman after a moment. "Got a pencil?" "Yes ma'am." "Got some paper?" "Yes ma'am." "Okay, write this down: 'Cohen dead'." "That's all?" asked the clerk disbelievingly. "That's it." "I'm sorry ma'am, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum." "Yes, you should've," snapped the woman. Now let me think a minute... okay, got a pencil?" "Yes ma'am." "Got some paper?" "Yes, ma'am." "Okay, here goes: 'Cohen dead. Cadillac for Sale.'"

　　地方報(bào)社負(fù)責(zé)刊登死亡訃告的部門(mén)電話響了。“登一篇訃告多少錢(qián)?”一位女士問(wèn)。“五美元一個(gè)字，太太。”書(shū)記員禮貌地回答。“好的，”女士沉默了一小會(huì)兒，“拿著筆呢嗎?”“是的'，夫人。”“紙呢?”“是的，夫人。”“好的，這樣寫(xiě)：‘科恩去世了’”“就這些了?”書(shū)記員疑惑地問(wèn)道。“對(duì)，就這些。”“很抱歉，夫人，我剛才沒(méi)有告訴您，在我們這登訃告最少也得五個(gè)字。”“沒(méi)錯(cuò)，你就應(yīng)該告訴我，”女士有點(diǎn)生氣了，“現(xiàn)在我得考慮一下，嗯…拿著筆呢嗎?”“是的，夫人。”“紙呢?”“是的，夫人。”“好的，這樣寫(xiě)：‘科恩去世了，出售一輛卡迪拉克轎車(chē)。’”

　　代課教師

　　A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　代課教師試圖運(yùn)用她的心理學(xué)知識(shí)。開(kāi)始上課時(shí)，她說(shuō)：“誰(shuí)覺(jué)得自己很愚蠢，請(qǐng)站起來(lái)。”小約翰馬上站起來(lái)了。老師問(wèn)：“為什么你覺(jué)得你很愚蠢呢，小約翰?”“我不覺(jué)得我很蠢，只是我不愿意你一個(gè)人站在那!”

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