英語笑話：學習英語的好方法

　　What Was It She Wanted?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

　　一個商店經(jīng)理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么?” “雨，”店員說。

　　A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡

　　A preacher is buying a parrot

　　Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一個傳教士在買鸚鵡

　　“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。

　　“哦，絕對不會。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。

　　“你看見它腿上的這些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右面的這根，它會背誦天主經(jīng)，當你拉動左面的那根，它會背誦贊美詩”

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩條繩子，會發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　“我會從樹干上掉下去的，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。

　　How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂

　　"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

　　"No!" the children all answered.

　　"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

　　Again, the answer was, "No!"

　　"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"

　　A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

　　“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫舉行義賣, 并把所有的錢給窮人，我能進天堂嗎?”我問主日學校的孩子。

　　孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”

　　“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，并且把東西都收拾得干凈整潔，我會上天堂嗎?”

　　回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續(xù)問, “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”

　　一個五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”

　　I Want Her to go Nuts

　　Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

　　"But you're not wearing any of those things."

　　"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

　　福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我?guī)е�鉆石耳環(huán)、鉆石項鏈、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

　　“但你現(xiàn)在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

　　“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會立刻再婚。我要讓那個女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋。”

　　是哪兩個詞?

　　What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”

　　一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。“我親愛的，”老夫人說：“我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎?” “噢，當然，奶奶。”女孩說：“是哪兩個詞?”

　　兩顆番茄

　　he first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

　　兩顆番茄去逛街，第一顆番茄突然走得很快，第二顆番茄就問：“我們要去哪里?” 第一顆番茄沒有回答，第二顆番茄又問了一次。 第一顆番茄還沒回答，所以第二顆番茄又問了一次。 第一顆番茄終于慢慢轉(zhuǎn)頭說：“我們不是番茄嗎?我們會說話嗎?”

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