最搞笑的英語笑話匯總

　　智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對(duì)于一個(gè)看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再?zèng)]有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問他一個(gè)簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問什么樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會(huì)兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個(gè)問題嗎?坦率地說，我對(duì)歷史了解的不是很多。”

　　開卷考試

　　On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.

　　我在加利福尼亞的圣瑪麗亞市一所社區(qū)大學(xué)讀書。期末考試那天，聽說書店在回購我們的工商管理課本�？荚嚽�，我們幾個(gè)趕忙跑到書店把書賣了，隨后，我們坐在教室里等著考試。這時(shí)候教授宣布：考慮到試題的難度，今天的考試我們決定開卷。

　　機(jī)長的錄音

　　This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

　　這是你們機(jī)長的聲音。請?jiān)试S我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號(hào)航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時(shí)在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機(jī)的右邊向窗外看去，你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)右側(cè)的兩個(gè)引擎都已經(jīng)起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會(huì)看到那邊的機(jī)翼已經(jīng)脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那么你會(huì)看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個(gè)人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務(wù)員。這是一段錄音。

　　最希望得到的簽名

　　Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

　　我們大學(xué)的校報(bào)開辦了一個(gè)每周一問的專欄。上周的問題是：“你最想要什么人的簽名?為什么?”和預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優(yōu)秀的'答案來自一個(gè)一年級(jí)新生，他說：“在我畢業(yè)證上簽字的那個(gè)人。”

　　動(dòng)機(jī)

　　My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動(dòng)機(jī)”。“是什么推動(dòng)你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什么讓你每天上學(xué)來?又是什么驅(qū)使你追求成功?”沖著一個(gè)女學(xué)生，他問：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來的呢?”學(xué)生答道：“我媽媽。”

　　班級(jí)、情人和蠢驢

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學(xué)生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學(xué)生看到這條通知后，覺得展示自己幽默感的機(jī)會(huì)來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉(zhuǎn)過身走回來，看了看那位學(xué)生，又看看被改動(dòng)過的通知，不動(dòng)聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學(xué)生，教授揚(yáng)長而去。

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