每日英語(yǔ)笑話精選
大手
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.
老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?學(xué)生：大手。
An Exact Number
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.
"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游覽。他對(duì)隨處可見(jiàn)的恐龍化石甚感驚奇。
“這些化石有多長(zhǎng)的歷史?”游客問(wèn)一個(gè)上了年紀(jì)的'當(dāng)?shù)孛绹?guó)人。他是作向?qū)У摹?/p>
“整整十億零三年了。” “你怎么這么肯定?”游客問(wèn)道。 “哦，”向?qū)Щ卮鸬溃?ldquo;一個(gè)地質(zhì)學(xué)家來(lái)過(guò)這兒，他告訴我說(shuō)這些化石有十億年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”
Give up your seat to a lady 給女士讓座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小強(qiáng)尼說(shuō)：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時(shí)，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”
媽媽說(shuō)：“你做得很對(duì)呀。”
“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的。”
我當(dāng)時(shí)還不缺錢
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.
"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."
"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"
"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."
一個(gè)看起來(lái)很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。
"大夫!"他說(shuō)，"幫幫我!一個(gè)月前我吞了一分硬幣!"
"天哪，"大夫說(shuō)，"早干嘛去了?你當(dāng)時(shí)怎么不來(lái)看?"
"實(shí)話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說(shuō)，"我當(dāng)時(shí)還不缺錢!"
Where is the father?父親在哪兒?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫這些畫唄。”
Son and Dad
Son: "Dad, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"
Dad: "What ah?"
Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"
Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"
Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!"
兒子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空嗎?”
爸爸：“什么事啊?”
兒子：“學(xué)校要開微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)!”
爸爸：“什么叫微型家長(zhǎng)座談會(huì)?”
兒子：“就是只有班主任，你和我參加!”
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