英式幽默英語笑話匯集
Imitation 模仿
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一個男孩放學(xué)回家時，覺得肚子痛。來，坐下，吃點點心，媽媽說，你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點東西就會好的。
一會兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說是頭痛。
你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，他那聰明的兒子說，里面裝點東西，就會好的。
Fried chicken
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老師在課堂上向?qū)W生們展示了各種各樣的鳥的照片。然后他問其中一名學(xué)生，“杰克，你最喜歡哪種鳥兒啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么?”
“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”
圣誕老人的真實職業(yè) Santa's True Profession
Do You Know Santa's True Profession?
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
圣誕老人的真實職業(yè)是什么?
考慮以下幾點
1. 你其實從來沒見過圣誕老人，你看見的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了過圣誕節(jié)的所有父母外，還有職業(yè)“圣誕老人”)
2. 圣誕老人不想退休，就可以一直當他的圣誕老人。
3. 圣誕老人不會做實事，他都是指揮一堆幫手幫他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好還是不好，功績和責任都算圣誕老人的`。
4. 圣誕老人實行的可不是朝九晚五雙休制。
5. 圣誕老人經(jīng)常旅行
圣誕老人顯然是一個高級職員(please, 這世界上還有比他的工作更好的工作嗎?)
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”
the woman who loves you most?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。”
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了?”
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