非常幽默英語笑話

　　如果你沒用過英文跟人家講笑話，那接下來YJBYS小編就給您獻(xiàn)上幾段英語笑話，讓你可以在朋友間用英文發(fā)揮出你的幽默。

　　• A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡

　　• A preacher is buying a parrot

　　• Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　• Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　• Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　• Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　• I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　• 一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡

　　• “你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。

　　• “哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。

　　• “你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩”

　　• “太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。

　　• 我不敢想象

　　Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人：“為什么你的狗狗坐在那兒老是看著我吃東西呢?”旅館主人：“我不敢想象，除非是因?yàn)槟隳昧怂��?jīng)常用來吃東西的盤子了。”

　　• 誰的兒子最偉大

　　• The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."　　The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　　• "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　　• " The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　　• 四位牧師的母親聚到一起談?wù)撍齻兊膬鹤印?ldquo;我的兒子是個(gè)教士，”第一位母親自豪地說道，“他進(jìn)入房間，人們都說，‘您好，閣下’。”

　　• 第二為母親說：“我的兒子是位主教。他進(jìn)入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。” “我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說，“他走進(jìn)房間，人們都說，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　　第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說，“他要是走入房間，人們都說‘哦，我的上帝’!”

　　• 新生兒

　　• The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered. “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”

　　泰勒夫婦有一個(gè)七歲的男孩，名叫帕特�，F(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。 帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對(duì)自己家里也將有一個(gè)嬰兒的消息感到不滿。 一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個(gè)嬰兒的降生計(jì)劃做安排。泰勒先生說：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。” 帕特恰好在這個(gè)時(shí)候走進(jìn)屋，他問：“你們?cè)谡f什么?”他的母親回答說：“我們?cè)谡f我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因?yàn)閶雰壕鸵�誕生了。” “那沒用，”帕特絕望地說。“他會(huì)跟我們到那兒去的。”

　　• If I Am a Manager

　　• One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

　　• All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

　　• “I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

　　• 一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以“如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理”為題寫一篇作文。

　　• 所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過去問他為什么不寫。

　　“我在等我的秘書”。那孩子答道。

　　• 狗也知道這個(gè)諺語嗎?

　　• The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　• "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　• "Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　•

　　一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

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