最搞英語(yǔ)笑話

　　埋在花園里的槍，什么?趕緊跟著yjbys小編來(lái)看看這則英語(yǔ)笑話吧。

　　我需要器官移植

　　The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

　　這個(gè)病人顯得很堅(jiān)決。“醫(yī)生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什么認(rèn)為你需要做這么多移植手術(shù)?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老板說(shuō)如果我這個(gè)人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”

　　埋在花園里的槍

　　Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

　　一個(gè)老人獨(dú)居在北愛(ài)爾蘭，他的獨(dú)生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰(shuí)可以幫忙把泥土翻松。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說(shuō)道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬(wàn)不要翻松花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”第二天凌晨4點(diǎn)，一隊(duì)英國(guó)士兵出現(xiàn)在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但并沒(méi)有找到任何槍支。” 老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問(wèn)到底發(fā)生了什么事情，下一步應(yīng)該怎么做。 兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”

　　法官與小偷

　　It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,

　　“What is your offense?”

　　“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

　　“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

　　“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner

　　圣誕佳節(jié)到來(lái)，法官心情愉悅的問(wèn)受刑人：

　　“你做了什么壞事啊?”

　　“我今年圣誕節(jié)購(gòu)物早了些。”犯人回答。

　　“那并不事件壞事”，法官說(shuō)：“到底多早之前啊?”

　　“商店開(kāi)門之前。”犯人答道。

　　The Three Stages of Man男性成長(zhǎng)三階段

　　He believes in Santa Claus.

　　He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

　　He is Santa Claus!

　　相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　不相信圣誕老人的存在。

　　自己是個(gè)圣誕老人!

　　Motivation 動(dòng)機(jī)

　　MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動(dòng)機(jī)”。“是什么推動(dòng)你在人生的路上向前走?”他問(wèn)道，“是什么讓你每天上學(xué)來(lái)?又是什么驅(qū)使你追求成功?”沖著一個(gè)女學(xué)生，他問(wèn)：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來(lái)的呢?”學(xué)生答道：“我媽媽。”

　　Mental deficiency 智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問(wèn)，“對(duì)于一個(gè)看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再?zèng)]有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問(wèn)他一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題，簡(jiǎn)單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問(wèn)什么樣的問(wèn)題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問(wèn)，‘庫(kù)克船長(zhǎng)環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會(huì)兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問(wèn)另外一個(gè)問(wèn)題嗎?坦率地說(shuō)，我對(duì)歷史了解的不是很多。”

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