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笑侃搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話
“I Am Going to Shop”惹出個(gè)什么英語(yǔ)笑話呢，大家一塊來(lái)見證。
A Boy with a Big Head大頭娃娃
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat."
一個(gè)小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說(shuō)我腦袋大。” “別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個(gè)很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買十斤土豆來(lái)。”
“購(gòu)物袋在哪兒?”
“沒購(gòu)物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
All Right 沒關(guān)系
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.
我趕著開車將11歲的女兒送到學(xué)校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯注:在一些國(guó)家如英國(guó),其交通規(guī)則是車輛左行的,與我國(guó)相反)。啊噢，意識(shí)到犯了錯(cuò)誤，我說(shuō)。我剛才拐彎是違章的。我想那沒關(guān)系的，女兒回答說(shuō)：我們后面的警車也同樣拐了彎。
第一次開出租車
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機(jī)的肩膀，想問(wèn)個(gè)問(wèn)題。司機(jī)大叫起來(lái)，車也失去了控制，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還上了便道，在還差幾厘米就撞上商店櫥窗時(shí)終于停了下來(lái)。
司機(jī)說(shuō)：“伙計(jì)，別再這么干了。你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說(shuō)，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣。” 司機(jī)說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，也不全是你的錯(cuò)。今天是我第一天開出租，以前25年里我一直開殯葬車。”
我們分享一切
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.
一對(duì)老夫婦在漢堡王餐廳吃飯，他們小心翼翼地將漢堡和薯?xiàng)l分成兩份。
A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.
一個(gè)卡車司機(jī)非常同情他們，就提議想給老太太單獨(dú)點(diǎn)一份。
"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."
“沒關(guān)系的。”老先生說(shuō)，“我們分享一切。”
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.
幾分鐘后，卡車司機(jī)注意到老太太還沒動(dòng)口吃一點(diǎn)東西。
"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.
他再次對(duì)老先生說(shuō)，“我真的不介意請(qǐng)您妻子吃一頓……”
"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."
“她會(huì)吃的，”老先生向他保證，“我們分享一切。”
Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"
司機(jī)不太相信，懇求老太太，“你為什么不吃一點(diǎn)?”
The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。”
I Am Going to Shop 我要去購(gòu)物啦
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
我?guī)蛠?lái)購(gòu)物的女士包好東西后，問(wèn)道：“是付現(xiàn)金、支票還是記賬呢?” 當(dāng)她找錢包的時(shí)候，我注意到她的包包里竟放著一個(gè)電視遙控器。
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
我問(wèn)：“你一直都隨身帶電視遙控器的嗎?”
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
她回答說(shuō)：“不是啦。但我老公不樂意跟我一起來(lái)購(gòu)物，所以我決定拿走他的遙控器來(lái)懲罰他。”
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