可愛的英語笑話
導(dǎo)語：英氏幽默我們偶爾雖然不是很懂，但還是能把我們逗得哈哈大笑，今天我們就一起來看看這些可愛的英語笑話吧!
1 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。
孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領(lǐng)著迪克走進(jìn)了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并對他說：“喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得像一個紳士那樣。”
迪克問：“像一個紳士?紳士怎樣做呢?”
他姨媽馬上回答說：“紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的`。”
迪克說了一聲“噢”。他對此想了一會，然后，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，并對她說：“凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。”
2 Son: "Dad, you are available to you on Friday afternoon?"
Dad: "What ah?"
Son: "mini-school parents have to open the forum!"
Dad: "What is micro-parents forum?"
Son: "It's only a class, you and I participate in!"
兒子：“爸爸，星期五下午您有空嗎?”
爸爸：“什么事啊?”
兒子：“學(xué)校要開微型家長座談會!”
爸爸：“什么叫微型家長座談會?”
兒子：“就是只有班主任，你和我參加!”
3 剛來加拿大的時候去買快餐，英文很爛我就說i want combo one,(大號的)后來那個人又說了一大堆英文問我要洋蔥cheese(奶酪)么之類的?我聽不懂就一個勁說i want combo one,
后來我看見那個人像中國人，我就直接問他Can you spell Chinese? (你能拼寫中文嗎?)
然后那個人郁悶了好久我為啥問他能能拼chinese..
后來才發(fā)現(xiàn)是speak不是spell............
4 Do You Know Santa's True Profession?
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
圣誕老人的真實職業(yè)是什么?
考慮以下幾點
1. 你其實從來沒見過圣誕老人，你看見的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了過圣誕節(jié)的所有父母外，還有職業(yè)“圣誕老人”)
2. 圣誕老人不想退休，就可以一直當(dāng)他的圣誕老人。
3. 圣誕老人不會做實事，他都是指揮一堆幫手幫他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好還是不好，功績和責(zé)任都算圣誕老人的。
4. 圣誕老人實行的可不是朝九晚五雙休制。
5. 圣誕老人經(jīng)常旅行
圣誕老人顯然是一個高級職員(please, 這世界上還有比他的工作更好的工作嗎?)
5 Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.
"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."
"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"
"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."
一個看起來很難受的窮人走進(jìn)大夫的診室。
"大夫!"他說，"幫幫我!一個月前我吞了一分硬幣!"
"天哪，"大夫說，"早干嘛去了?你當(dāng)時怎么不來看?"
"實話告訴您吧，大夫，"窮人說，"我當(dāng)時還不缺錢!"
6 A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.
"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游覽。他對隨處可見的恐龍化石甚感驚奇。
“這些化石有多長的歷史?”游客問一個上了年紀(jì)的當(dāng)?shù)孛绹恕Ｋ亲飨驅(qū)У摹?/p>
“整整十億零三年了。” “你怎么這么肯定?”游客問道。 “哦，”向?qū)Щ卮鸬溃?ldquo;一個地質(zhì)學(xué)家來過這兒，他告訴我說這些化石有十億年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”
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