愉悅開(kāi)心的英語(yǔ)笑話
導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：笑話來(lái)源于生活，經(jīng)過(guò)藝術(shù)加工的語(yǔ)言形式,是藝術(shù)化的語(yǔ)言。下面YJBYS小編馬上為你帶來(lái)幾篇愉悅開(kāi)心的英語(yǔ)笑話，希望你會(huì)喜歡。更多笑話盡在應(yīng)屆畢業(yè)生網(wǎng)笑話欄目。
1、 Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
愛(ài)因斯坦登上西奈山與上帝近距離交談。仰望著上帝，他問(wèn)道：“神啊，一百萬(wàn)年對(duì)于你來(lái)說(shuō)相當(dāng)于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分鐘。”愛(ài)因斯坦問(wèn)：“一百萬(wàn)元對(duì)于你來(lái)說(shuō)又相當(dāng)于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分錢(qián)。”愛(ài)因斯坦問(wèn)：“能給我一分錢(qián)嗎?”上帝說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)等一分鐘。”
2、 I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He’d just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.
Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once，when I discovered this pig...
It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so I asked the farmer:"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?"
"Well, boy. That is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive."
"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"
"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids."
"Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?"
"I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!"
"Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg!"
"Boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!"
我小的時(shí)候生活在華盛頓。到了周末，爸爸常常帶我們到南部的`卡羅萊納州去玩。正是在那里我們看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸會(huì)沿路開(kāi)一會(huì)兒車(chē)，然后把車(chē)停在路邊，找農(nóng)場(chǎng)里的人聊聊天。
正當(dāng)爸爸和一個(gè)農(nóng)婦聊天時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了這只豬……
那只豬很漂亮，可只有三條腿，右后腿還是用木頭做的!我對(duì)這點(diǎn)很好奇。于是就問(wèn)那個(gè)農(nóng)民：“先生，為什么你的豬有一只木頭腿啊?”
“是這樣的，孩子。這是一只勇敢的豬。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡覺(jué)時(shí)，這只豬跑進(jìn)來(lái)叫醒了我們，我們才知道房子著火了。我們立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。”
“這只豬的腿是在那場(chǎng)火災(zāi)中燒壞的嗎?”
“不是的，它完好無(wú)損地跑了出去。實(shí)際上，它甚至還跑了回去，把我們的孩子也救了出來(lái)。”
“那為何這只豬會(huì)有一只木頭腿呢?”
“我已經(jīng)告訴你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的豬!一只英勇的豬!它救了我們?nèi)胰说男悦?”
“是的，先生�？墒菫楹嗡兄荒绢^腿呢?”
“孩子，像這樣的豬，我們是不舍得一次就把它吃光的!”
3、 The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
4、 Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蟻冢).
Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty
swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved
but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.
So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The
golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to
do?"
Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
從前有個(gè)高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。
他沒(méi)有移動(dòng)球的位置，而是決定就地?fù)羟�。于是他使勁一揮球桿，塵土和著螞蟻，四處飛揚(yáng)
。所有的東西都動(dòng)了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一動(dòng)沒(méi)動(dòng)。
于是，他準(zhǔn)備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚(yáng)，螞蟻們也再次跟著遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲
不動(dòng)。
兩只螞蟻幸免于難，一只暈暈乎乎地對(duì)另一只說(shuō)：“哇，我們?cè)趺崔k啊?”
另一只螞蟻說(shuō)：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我準(zhǔn)備爬到那只球上去。”
5、 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
My granny.
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’!
一個(gè)主日學(xué)校的老師正在對(duì)學(xué)生講使別人高興的重要性。現(xiàn)在，孩子們，她說(shuō)：你們當(dāng)中有誰(shuí)讓別人高興過(guò)?
我，老師，一個(gè)小男孩說(shuō)：昨天我就使別人高興過(guò)。
做得好，是誰(shuí)呢?
我奶奶。
好孩子，現(xiàn)在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。
是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個(gè)小時(shí)。然后我跟她說(shuō)：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她說(shuō)：‘啊，我很高興!’
6、 The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。
“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問(wèn)。
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“不是好一些，只是沒(méi)有用過(guò)。”
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