英語笑話段子大全

　　會(huì)講笑話的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁癥的`可能性就大為減少，接下來一起來看看英語笑話段子大全，看看你的幽默指數(shù)吧!

　　英語笑話段子一：Animal Complaints

　　It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.

　　The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"

　　The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"

　　Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"

　　The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."

　　The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger hole or smaller eggs."

　　英語笑話段子二：Goldfish Passing

　　Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

　　"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

　　The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

　　Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

　　英語笑話段子三：Shoulda Said

　　This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?"

　　"Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass."

　　"Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?"

　　"Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

　　"THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!"

　　"Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?"

　　"Ruff!"

　　"What the hell are you tryin' to pull, mister?"

　　"Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?"

　　"Ruth."

　　The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

　　"Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

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