英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯
會講笑話的人都是有好人緣的人，所以我們要多親近一些笑話大王們�，F(xiàn)在小編也來當(dāng)笑話大王啦!小編給大家收集整理了爆笑帶翻譯的英語小笑話，一起來笑笑，收集好人緣吧!
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇1
One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.
When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.
He looked at her, bewildered(困惑的), and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."
"Yes," was his reply.
She answered, "Well, today, I didnt do it!"
一天，一個人下班回到家，發(fā)現(xiàn)屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子們還穿著睡衣，滿身是泥地躺在外面。
打開房門，他發(fā)現(xiàn)屋子里面更亂。櫥柜上堆著盤子，地上散落著狗食，桌子下面有一只打碎的玻璃杯，后門旁還有一堆沙子。家庭娛樂室里堆滿了玩具，還有一盞燈翻倒在地上。
他邁過散落在樓梯上的玩具，上樓去找他的妻子。他開始擔(dān)心她生病了或是發(fā)生了什么可怕的事情。
他發(fā)現(xiàn)她還穿著睡衣躺在床上，在看一本雜志。
她抬頭看到他，笑著問他今天過得怎么樣。
他看著她，困惑地問：“今天發(fā)生什么事情了?”
她笑著問道：“你每天下班回家都會問我今天做什么了。”
“沒錯啊，”他說。
她說：“是這樣的，今天，我沒做什么!”
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇2
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "Thats the smartest dog Ive ever seen."
"Nah, hes not so smart," the friend replied. "Ive beaten him three games out of five."
某人去朋友家拜訪，發(fā)現(xiàn)朋友竟然在跟自家的狗下象棋，大為錯愕。
他旁觀了一會兒，當(dāng)時就震驚了。
“我簡直不敢相信!”他大叫，“我從沒見過那么聰明的狗!”
“哪里聰明了，”朋友回答，“五局中我贏了三局呢!”
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇3
xpensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫(yī)生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫(yī)生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”
“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。
“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個小時跟我解釋為什么我的.答案是錯的�！�
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰更有禮貌?
一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因為他經(jīng)常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認(rèn)為他更有風(fēng)度，因為無論什么時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。
Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來。
Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來后,父親問他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當(dāng)然看見信封上什么也沒寫”“那你為什么不拿回來呢?”
“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?
一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人�！�
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇4
Early Shopper
采購過早
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
那天是圣誕節(jié)，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心�！澳銥槭裁炊黄鹪V?”他問。
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
“采購圣誕節(jié)物品過早�！北桓娲�。
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早?”
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
在商店開門之前，“犯人應(yīng)道。
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇5
How Did You Ever Get Here
你是怎樣來的?
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才起來上班�！巴饷嫣�，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步�！�
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
老板狐疑地看著他�！班�，是嗎?那你是怎樣到這里來的?”
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
“后來我決定放棄，”他說，“然后我就往家里走。”
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇6
我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面團(tuán)放在一個暖和點的地方使它發(fā)起來。我把面盆放在電熱褥里，后來就出去干別的活去了。等我回家時，發(fā)現(xiàn)兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫著：“親愛的媽媽，我希望您的面包已經(jīng)病好了�！�
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇7
A Vacation Cruise
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."
"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."
假日巡航游
一愚笨之人讀到一則假日巡航游只須花100元的廣告。在他簽了字付了款后，旅游經(jīng)紀(jì)人用棒猛擊了他一下，把他打昏了過去，并把他從后門扔進(jìn)了河里。不久又來了一個人，付了錢并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分鐘后，這兩個人一起向河的下游漂去。第一個人說：“不知道他們這次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二個人說道，“去年是沒有的�！�
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇8
One Side of the Case
一面之辭
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.
一位法官問我們這群修補(bǔ)陪審員是否有人應(yīng)當(dāng)免權(quán)。一個人舉起了手。
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
“我的左耳聽不見�！蹦侨烁嬖V法官。
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
“你的右邊耳朵聽得見嗎?”法官問道。那人點了點頭。
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
“你將被允許加入陪審團(tuán)，”法官宣布�！拔覀兠看沃宦犚幻嬷o。
英語小笑話爆笑帶翻譯 篇9
1.A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table
一位歷史老師和他的妻子在吃飯
the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History".
妻子問到：“工作上有什么新鮮事嗎?”丈夫回答說：“沒有，我是教歷史的。”
2.A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .
一位男子來到醫(yī)生的辦公室。“醫(yī)生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您說我該怎么辦？”他問道。
"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.
“把勺子從咖啡杯里拿出來�！贬t(yī)生回答說。
3.To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.
為避免我們的狗，萊希，糾纏來訪的客人，我母親常在愛犬喜歡呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一個建筑商來談居室裝潢工程。
As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.
在這人和我母親坐在餐桌邊談居室的修茸時，我母親滑脫了她的鞋子，開始不經(jīng)意地用腳摩蹭起萊希來。
My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.
談話進(jìn)行了半個小時的時候，我母親突然感到很不好意思起來，因為這時她聽到了萊希在前門外的犬吠聲。
4.A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金發(fā)女郎正走在公園里。
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird
. 突然，黑人女人發(fā)現(xiàn)了一只死去的小鳥。
"Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
“哦!看這只死去的小鳥�！彼瘋卣f。
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"
金發(fā)女郎停下了腳步，她抬頭望著天空，問道：“哪，在那?”
5.The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經(jīng)像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去了?”
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
“我來試試看，”一位老太太說�！霸撌俏覀冊谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�
6. A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."
有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚�！拔也幻靼祝狈ü僬f，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀(jì)還要離婚?”丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了�！�
7."Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問他的一個員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了�！�
8.Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。
Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。
Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我這個月已經(jīng)賺了一塊兩毛五了。
9.s a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉(xiāng)間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機(jī)旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。”
10.Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?
年少的童子軍：我怎樣才能把蘑菇和毒蕈區(qū)別開呢?
Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
年長的童子軍：上床前吃一個。如果你第二天早上醒來，那就是蘑菇。
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