小學(xué)英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話

時(shí)間：2020-09-22 14:24:14 英語(yǔ)笑話我要投稿

小學(xué)英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話大全

　　簡(jiǎn)短搞笑英文笑話：鑰匙還是接吻

小學(xué)英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話大全

　　friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repealed. "Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

　　我的一位朋友在給一個(gè)成人學(xué)生班級(jí)上英語(yǔ)課。他們都是新近來美國(guó)生活的。在一張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之后，他請(qǐng)全班同學(xué)給他挑出尺子、書本、鋼筆等。課程進(jìn)行得井然有序，學(xué)生們對(duì)自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認(rèn)真。后來輪到一名來自意大利的學(xué)生，我的朋友說:“給我鑰匙�！蹦侨丝雌饋矸浅３泽@，也有點(diǎn)手足無措�？吹竭@種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，于是又重復(fù)了一遍:“給我鑰匙�！�，那位意大利學(xué)生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊接住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。

　　簡(jiǎn)短搞笑英文笑話：用沙蓋住影子

　　The soldiers had just moved to the desert, and as they had never been in such a place before, they had a lot to learn.

　　士兵們剛剛移駐到沙漠里，因?yàn)樗麄円郧皬膩頉]有到過這樣的地方，他們要學(xué)習(xí)的東西很多。

　　As there were no trees or buildings in the desert，it was，of course, very hard to hide their trucks from enemy. The soldiers were therefore g2vPn training in camouflage，which means ways of covering something so that the enemy cannot see where it is. They were shown how to paint their trucks in irregular patterns with pale green, yellow, and brown paints，and then to cover them with nets to which they had tied small pieces of cloth.

　　因?yàn)樯衬餂]有樹木和建筑物，要使他們的卡車躲過敵機(jī)當(dāng)然是很難辦到的。因此，士兵們受訓(xùn)進(jìn)行偽裝，也就是說，要把一些東西隱蔽起來，不讓敵人看到它在哪里。教官教給了他們?nèi)绾斡脺\綠、黃色和棕色在卡車上涂上不規(guī)則的圖形，然后用網(wǎng)罩住它們后，士兵們?cè)诰W(wǎng)上還系了許多小布片。

　　The driver who had the biggest truck went to lot of trouble to camouflage it. He. spent several hours painting it，preparing a net and searching for some heavy rocks with which to hold the net down. When it was all finished, he looked proudly at his work and then went off to have his lunch.

　　一輛最大的卡車的司機(jī)，他為偽裝汽車費(fèi)了很大的力氣。他花了幾個(gè)小時(shí)涂畫這輛車，并準(zhǔn)備了一張網(wǎng)把車罩起來，同時(shí)他還找到了一些大石塊來把網(wǎng)固定。當(dāng)這一切都于完以后，他自豪地打量了自己的杰作后，就去吃中午飯了。

　　But when he came back to the truck after he had had his meal，he was surprised and worried to see that his cannot flage work was completely spoilt by the truck’ s shadow, which was growing longer arid longer as the afternoon advanced. He stood looking at it, not knowing what to do about it.

　　但當(dāng)他吃完飯回到卡車旁時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的偽裝效果全被卡車的影子給破壞了，他感到又吃驚又發(fā)愁，而且影子還隨著下午時(shí)間的推移而越來越長(zhǎng)。他站在那里望著影子，不知怎么辦才好。

　　Soon an officer arrived，and he too saw the shadow, of course.

　　不一會(huì)，一位軍官走來，他當(dāng)然也看見了影子。

　　"Well,” he shouted to the poor driver, "what are you going to do about it? If an enemy plane comes over, the pilot will at once know that there is a truck there.”

　　“喂，”他對(duì)那位可憐的司機(jī)叫道:“你準(zhǔn)備怎么辦?如果敵機(jī)飛過，飛行員馬上就會(huì)知道這里有一輛卡車的�！�

　　"I know, sir,” answered the soldier.

　　“我明白，長(zhǎng)官，”士兵答道。

　　"Whel1, don’t just stand there doing nothing!” said the officer.

　　“嘿!不要光站在那里發(fā)呆了!”

　　"What shall I do, sir`?" asked the poor driver.

　　“我該怎么辦呢?長(zhǎng)官?”可憐的司機(jī)問。

　　"Get your spade and throw some sand over the shadow, of course!” answered the officer.

　　“當(dāng)然是拿起你的鏟子，用沙把影子蓋住呀!”軍官答道。

　　簡(jiǎn)短搞笑英文笑話：去天堂

　　Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you、Terry? You haven't got your hand up，don’t you want to go to Heaven?

　　星期日學(xué)校的教員:想去天堂的人舉起手來，把手舉起來……你呢，哈里?你還沒舉手呢，你不想去天堂嗎?

　　Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.

　　哈里:我去不了，因?yàn)閶寢屪屛乙环艑W(xué)就回家。

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：心不在焉的老師

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　　有一天，人們看見一個(gè)有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。一個(gè)碰見他的學(xué)生說： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時(shí)候還挺好的，可是現(xiàn)在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經(jīng)一瘸一拐走了半個(gè)小時(shí)了�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：新老師

　　George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　9月1日，喬治放學(xué)回到家里�！皢讨危阆矚g你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問�！皨寢�，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：One Side of the Case 一面之辭

　　A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

　　"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

　　"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

　　"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

　　一位法官問我們這群修補(bǔ)陪審員是否有人應(yīng)當(dāng)免權(quán)。一個(gè)人舉起了手。

　　“我的左耳聽不見�！蹦侨烁嬖V法官。

　　“你的右邊耳朵聽得見嗎?”法官問道。那人點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。

　　“你將被允許加入陪審團(tuán)，”法官宣布�！拔覀兠看沃宦犚幻嬷o�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：Now I have two skunks in there

　　"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"

　　"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."

　　Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.

　　"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"

　　“我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打電話的人對(duì)警察調(diào)度員尖叫道�！拔覀�?cè)鯓硬拍馨阉鰜?”

　　“弄一些面包屑，”調(diào)度員說;“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開�！�

　　一段時(shí)間后，那人又打電話打了回來�！澳銈儗⑺鰜砹藛�?”調(diào)度員問他。

　　“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現(xiàn)在那兒有兩只臭鼬了�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：唯有我是司機(jī)

　　A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.

　　"Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "

　　"I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus.

　　在一輛滿載乘客的公共汽車后面，一位小個(gè)子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進(jìn)。 “停下吧，”一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對(duì)小個(gè)子喊道，“你追不上的!”

　　“我必須追上，”小個(gè)子氣喘吁吁地說，“我是司機(jī)!”

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：Akimbo (叉腰)

　　Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意識(shí))her blame, replied at ease(從容): " I' m akimbo."

　　像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她馬上意識(shí)到問題所在，從容答道：“我叉腰�！�

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：借公牛一用

　　Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.

　　One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.

　　After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

　　從前，有個(gè)人很富有，但他不識(shí)字。

　　一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了個(gè)條，讓仆人送到富人那里。仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒，然后說道：“好啦，我知道了�；厝ジ嬖V你的主人，我馬上自己過去。”

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：一切都正常

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　一對(duì)年輕夫婦有個(gè)兒子，已經(jīng)四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對(duì)此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫(yī)生們總覺得他沒有毛病。后來有一天早上吃早餐時(shí)，那孩子突然開口了：媽媽，面包烤焦了。

　　你說話了!你說話了!他母親叫了起來。我太高興了!但為什么花了這么長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間呢?

　　哦，在這之前，那男孩說，一切都很正常。

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：不會(huì)犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤

　　Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?

　　Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

　　男孩：嗨，我們之前是不是約會(huì)過，是一次還是兩次，我忘記了。

　　女孩：應(yīng)該只有一次吧，我從不犯兩次同樣的錯(cuò)誤。

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么

　　In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"

　　"To be deaf," replied the boy.

　　"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.

　　"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.

　　在一次音樂學(xué)院的.入學(xué)考試中，老師問其中一個(gè)男孩："音樂家最重要的生理素質(zhì)是什么?"

　　"耳聾，"男孩答道。

　　"胡說!"老師氣憤地說。

　　"怎么了，先生!難道您不知道大名鼎鼎的音樂家貝多芬是個(gè)聾子嗎?"男孩輕蔑地反問道。

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：醉酒 Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

　　簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)小笑話：a neuropathy

　　Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...

　　有一個(gè)神經(jīng)病，不知道從哪里弄來了一把手槍，他走在一條小黑胡同里。突然遇上一個(gè)年輕人，神經(jīng)病二話不說將其按在地上用槍指著他的頭。問道，一加一得幾。年輕人嚇壞了，沉思了很久�；卮�，等于二。神經(jīng)病毫不猶豫的打死了他。然后把搶拽在懷里，冰冷的說了一句，你知道的太多了…

　　爆笑英文小笑話帶翻譯篇1

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

　　Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

　　媽媽給了哈里兩個(gè)蘋果，一個(gè)大一點(diǎn)，另一個(gè)小點(diǎn)兒。跟妹妹分著吃。媽媽說。

　　所以，哈里就把小個(gè)的給了妹妹，自己開始啃那個(gè)大個(gè)的。

　　哼，妹妹說，如果媽媽給了我，我會(huì)把大的給你，把小的留給自己的。

　　對(duì)呀，哈里說，你拿到的不就是小的嗎?還著什么急呀?

　　爆笑英文小笑話帶翻譯篇2

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

　　兒子回來后,父親問他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

　　“我當(dāng)然看見信封上什么也沒寫”“那你為什么不拿回來呢?”

　　“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰(shuí)呢!”

　　爆笑英文小笑話帶翻譯篇3

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?