情人節(jié)幽默段子笑話
像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道："你想干什么?"她馬上意識(shí)到問題所在，從容答道："我叉腰。"以下是小編為大家整理分享的情人節(jié)幽默段子笑話，歡迎閱讀參考。
情人節(jié)幽默段子笑話
吃什么長(zhǎng)大的
我同事跟人爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，急了張口來了句："你以為我吃飯長(zhǎng)大的啊?"我一直納悶他到底吃什么長(zhǎng)大的。
now i have two skunks in there
"we have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "how can we get it out?"
"take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. then leave the cellar door open."
sometime later the resident called back. "did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"no," replied the caller. "now i have two skunks in there!"
"我們的地下室里有一只臭鼬，"打電話的人對(duì)警察調(diào)度員尖叫道。"我們?cè)鯓硬拍馨阉鰜?"
"弄一些面包屑，"調(diào)度員說;"從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到后院。然后將地下室的門打開。"
一段時(shí)間后，那人又打電話打了回來。"你們將它弄出來了嗎?"調(diào)度員問他。
"沒有，"打電話的人答道，"現(xiàn)在那兒有兩只臭鼬了。"
他已經(jīng)......不在了
有一次寢室里同學(xué)的老媽打電話過來,我習(xí)慣說"他不在"，但是這一次我想說的的是"已經(jīng)出去了"。結(jié)果說出來是："他已經(jīng)......不在了......"
你過去，有人會(huì)把你殺掉
大三那年我同學(xué)去賣魚的商場(chǎng)打工。客人拿了挑好的魚，我同學(xué)很溫柔地指著殺魚臺(tái)對(duì)他說："你過去，有人會(huì)把你殺掉。"......
那你只能吃屎了
一個(gè)消化不良的病人向醫(yī)生抱怨：我近來很不正常，吃什么拉什么，吃黃瓜拉黃瓜，吃西瓜拉西瓜，怎樣才能恢復(fù)正常呢?醫(yī)生沉默片刻，那你只能吃屎了。
強(qiáng)悍的女兒
那天跟老婆一起看一站到底，有一對(duì)父女上來答題，女兒18歲了，自告奮勇的去搶東西，答題前的小游戲是讓女兒比劃"接吻"這個(gè)詞，女兒比畫完，主持人問有生活么?女兒說有啊，父親驚呆了，問什么時(shí)候的事情，我怎么不知道，女兒對(duì)父親說就是那年跟你說過啊，父親很無語(yǔ)，這是女人突然對(duì)父親說："你是不是覺得種了棵白菜，讓豬給拱了"。全場(chǎng)暴汗。。。。。。無語(yǔ)
打個(gè)例子
政治老師有一次講課的時(shí)候說："下面我舉個(gè)比方"，然后覺得不對(duì)，又說："打個(gè)例子"
你的西瓜有皮嗎
那天去買西瓜，聽見有人在問賣瓜的：你的西瓜有皮嗎?
一杯包子，兩個(gè)naizi
一次，我去買早餐，排隊(duì)時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)平時(shí)不茍言笑的老板也在排隊(duì)，于是非常緊張，打過招呼后，對(duì)廚師說："師傅麻煩來一杯包子，兩個(gè)naizi!"
唯有我是司機(jī)
a short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. but the bus still ran at a great speed.
"stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "
"i must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because i'm only driver of the bus.
在一輛滿載乘客的`公共汽車后面，一位小個(gè)子青年在奔跑著。氣車仍在高速前進(jìn)。 "停下吧，"一位乘客把頭伸出窗子，對(duì)小個(gè)子喊道，"你追不上的!"
"我必須追上，"小個(gè)子氣喘吁吁地說，"我是司機(jī)!"
akimbo (叉腰)
just like most of other kids, aged two emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. one day i accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蟬). habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. i held back (阻擋) her from doing it: " what do you want to do?" she was immediately on to (意識(shí))her blame, replied at ease(從容): " i' m akimbo."
像大多數(shù)別的小孩一樣，兩歲艾咪麗雅不愛洗手，吃東西弄臟手，隨便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便習(xí)慣地往真絲小褂子上蹭，我阻止道："你想干什么?"她馬上意識(shí)到問題所在，從容答道："我叉腰。"
生熊貓那才尊貴
狗對(duì)熊說："嫁給我吧，嫁給我你會(huì)幸福"熊說："才不嫁呢，嫁給你只會(huì)生狗熊，我要嫁給貓，生熊貓那才尊貴呢"
女生面對(duì)劫色的策略
輕描淡寫式：你要來也可以，但要抓緊時(shí)間。我跟男友約好這個(gè)時(shí)間在這里見面的。他是個(gè)醋罐子，一會(huì)給他看見了，非掐死你不可!
胸脯吃飯
小驢問老驢："為啥咱們天天吃干草，而奶牛頓頓精飼料：老驢嘆到："咱爺們比不了，我們是靠跑腿吃飯，人家是靠胸脯吃飯"
借公牛一用
once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
one day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
after the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "ok, i know. go and tell your master, i'll go myself shortly.
從前，有個(gè)人很富有，但他不識(shí)字。
一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一頭公牛，便寫了個(gè)條，讓仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把條子給了富人。富人便假裝看了一會(huì)兒，然后說道："好啦，我知道了�；厝ジ嬖V你的主人，我馬上自己過去。"
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