TED英語(yǔ)演講稿：擁抱他人，擁抱自己

　　Thandie Newton Embracing otherness, embracing myself

　　擁抱他人，擁抱自己

　　Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.

　　擁抱他類。當(dāng)我第一次聽(tīng)說(shuō)這個(gè)主題時(shí)，我心想，擁抱他類不就是擁抱自己?jiǎn)�。我個(gè)人懂得理解和接受他類的經(jīng)歷很有趣，讓我對(duì)于“自己”這個(gè)詞也有了新的認(rèn)識(shí)，我想今天在這里和你們分享下我的心得體會(huì)。

　　We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?

　　我們每個(gè)人都有個(gè)自我，但并不是生來(lái)就如此的。你知道新生的寶寶們覺(jué)得他們是任何東西的一部分，而不是分裂的個(gè)體。這種本源上的“天人合一”感在我們出生后很快就不見(jiàn)了，就好像我們?nèi)松�的第一個(gè)篇章--和諧統(tǒng)一：嬰兒，未成形，原始--結(jié)束了。它們似幻似影，而現(xiàn)實(shí)的世界是孤獨(dú)彼此分離的。而在孩童期的某段時(shí)間，我們開(kāi)始形成自我這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)。宇宙中的小小個(gè)體有了自己的名字，有了自己的過(guò)去等等各種信息。這些關(guān)于自己的細(xì)節(jié)，看法和觀點(diǎn)慢慢變成事實(shí)，成為我們身份的一部分。而那個(gè)自我，也變成我們?nèi)松�路上前行的�?dǎo)航儀。然后，這個(gè)所謂的自我，是他人自我的映射，還是我們真實(shí)的自己呢?我們究竟想成為什么樣，應(yīng)該成為什么樣的呢?

　　So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time. But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self have to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?

　　這個(gè)和自我打交道，尋找自己身份的過(guò)程在我的成長(zhǎng)記憶中一點(diǎn)都不容易。我想成為的那些“自我”不斷被否定再否定，而我害怕自己無(wú)法融入周遭的環(huán)境，因被否定而引起的困惑讓我變得更加憂慮，感到羞恥和無(wú)望，在很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間就是我存在狀態(tài)。然而回頭看，對(duì)自我的解構(gòu)是那么頻繁，以至于我發(fā)現(xiàn)了這樣一種規(guī)律。自我是變化的，受他人影響，分裂或被打敗，而另一個(gè)自我會(huì)產(chǎn)生，這個(gè)自我可能更堅(jiān)強(qiáng)，可能更可憎，有時(shí)你也不想變成那樣。所謂自我不是固定不變的。而我需要經(jīng)歷多少次自我的破碎重生才會(huì)明白其實(shí)自我從來(lái)沒(méi)有存在過(guò)?

　　I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.

　　我在70年代英格蘭海邊長(zhǎng)大，我的父親是康沃爾的白人，母親是津巴布韋的黑人。而想象我和父母是一家人對(duì)于其他人來(lái)說(shuō)總是不太自然。自然有它自己的魔術(shù)，棕色皮膚的寶寶誕生了。但 從我五歲開(kāi)始，我就有種感覺(jué)我不是這個(gè)群體的。我是一個(gè)全白人天主教會(huì)學(xué)校里面黑皮膚無(wú)神論小孩。我與他人是不同的，而那個(gè)熱衷于歸屬的自我卻到處尋找方式尋找歸屬感。這種認(rèn)同感讓自我感受到存在感和重要性，因此十分重要。這點(diǎn)是如此重要，如果沒(méi)有自我，我們根本無(wú)法與他人溝通。沒(méi)有它，我們無(wú)所適從，無(wú)法獲取成功或變得受人歡迎。但我的膚色不對(duì)，我的頭發(fā)不對(duì)，我的過(guò)去不對(duì)，我的一切都是另類定義的，在這個(gè)社會(huì)里，我其實(shí)并不真實(shí)存在。我首先是個(gè)異類，其次才是個(gè)女孩。我是可見(jiàn)卻毫無(wú)意義的人。

　　Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.

　　這時(shí)候，另一個(gè)世界向我敞開(kāi)了大門(mén)：舞蹈表演。那種關(guān)于自我的嘮叨恐懼在舞蹈時(shí)消失了，我放開(kāi)四肢，也成為了一位不錯(cuò)的舞者。我將所有的情緒都融入到舞蹈的動(dòng)作中去，我可以在舞蹈中與自己相溶，盡管在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中卻無(wú)法做到。

　　And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.

　　16歲的時(shí)候，我遇到了另一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)，第一部參演的電影。我無(wú)法用語(yǔ)言來(lái)表達(dá)在演戲的時(shí)候我所感受到的平和，我無(wú)處著落的自我可以與那個(gè)角色融為一體，而不是我自己。那感覺(jué)真棒。這是第一次我感覺(jué)到我擁有一個(gè)自我，我可以駕馭，令其富有盛名的自我。然而當(dāng)拍攝結(jié)束，我又會(huì)回到自己粗糙不明，笨拙的自我。

　　By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searching for definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would you define race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and I said, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because, Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more genetic difference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there is between a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian. Because we all stem from Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to create genetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biological or scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the other hand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of its credibility. But what was credible, what is biological and scientific fact, is that we all stem from Africa -- in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. And race is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created based on fear and ignorance.

　　19歲的時(shí)候，我已經(jīng)是富有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的專業(yè)電影演員，而我還是在尋找自我的定義。我申請(qǐng)了大學(xué)的人類學(xué)專業(yè)。Phyllis Lee博士面試了我，她問(wèn)我：“你怎么定義種族?”我覺(jué)得我很了解這個(gè)話題，我說(shuō)：“膚色�！薄澳敲瓷�物上來(lái)說(shuō)呢，例如遺傳基因?”她說(shuō)，“Thandie 膚色并不全面，其實(shí)一個(gè)肯尼亞黑人和烏干達(dá)黑人之間基因差異比一個(gè)肯尼亞黑人和挪威白人之間差異要更多。因?yàn)槲覀兌际菑姆侵迊?lái)的，所以在非洲，基因變異演化的時(shí)間是最久的�！睋Q句話說(shuō)，種族在生物學(xué)或任何科學(xué)上都沒(méi)有事實(shí)根據(jù)。另一方面，我對(duì)于自我的定義瞬時(shí)失去了一大片基礎(chǔ)。 但那就是生物學(xué)事實(shí)，我們都是非洲后裔，一位在160 000年前的偉大女性Mitochondrial Eve的后人。而種族這個(gè)無(wú)效的概念是我們基于恐懼和無(wú)知自己捏造出來(lái)的。

　　Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. My desire to disappear was still very powerful. I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise? We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.

　　奇怪的是，這個(gè)發(fā)現(xiàn)并沒(méi)有治好我的自卑，那種被排擠的感覺(jué)。我還是那么強(qiáng)烈地想要離開(kāi)消失。我從劍橋拿到了學(xué)位，我有份充滿發(fā)展的工作，然而我的自我還是一團(tuán)糟，我得了催吐病不得不接受治療師的幫助。我還是相信自我是我的全部。我還是堅(jiān)信“自我”的價(jià)值甚過(guò)一切。而且我們身處的世界就是如此，我們的整個(gè)價(jià)值系統(tǒng)和現(xiàn)實(shí)環(huán)境都是在服務(wù)“自我”的價(jià)值。看看不同行業(yè)里面對(duì)于自我的塑造，看看它們創(chuàng)造的那些工作，產(chǎn)出的那些利潤(rùn)。我們甚至必須相信自我是真實(shí)存在的。但它們不是，自我不過(guò)是我們聰明的腦袋假想出來(lái)騙自己不去思考死亡這個(gè)話題的幌子。

　　But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood. For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.

　　但其實(shí)我們的終極自我其實(shí)是我們的本源，合一。掙扎自我是否真實(shí)，究竟是什么永遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有終結(jié)，除非它和賦予它意義的創(chuàng)造者合一，就是你和我。而這點(diǎn)當(dāng)我們意識(shí)到現(xiàn)實(shí)是你中有我，我中有你，和諧統(tǒng)一，而自我是種假象時(shí)就會(huì)體會(huì)到了。我們可以想想，什么時(shí)候我們是身心統(tǒng)一的，例如說(shuō)我跳舞，表演的時(shí)候，我和我的本源連結(jié)，而我的自我被拋在一邊。那時(shí)，我和身邊的一切--空氣，大地，聲音，觀眾的反饋都連結(jié)在一起。我的知覺(jué)是敏銳和鮮活的，就像初生的嬰兒那樣，合一。

　　And when I'm acting a role, I inhabit another self, and I give it life for awhile, because when the self is suspended so is divisiveness and judgment. And I've played everything from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery to Secretary of State in 2004. And no matter how other these selves might be, they're all related in me. And I honestly believe the key to my success as an actor and my progress as a person has been the very lack of self that used to make me feel so anxious and insecure. I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightenment.

　　當(dāng)我在演戲的時(shí)候，我讓另一個(gè)自我住在我體內(nèi)，我代表它行動(dòng)。當(dāng)我的自我被拋開(kāi)，緊隨的分歧和主觀判斷也消失了。我曾經(jīng)扮演過(guò)奴隸時(shí)代的復(fù)仇鬼魂，也扮演過(guò)2004年的國(guó)務(wù)卿。不管他們這些自我是怎樣的，他們都在那時(shí)與我相連。而我也深信作為演員，我的成功，或是作為個(gè)體，我的成長(zhǎng)都是源于我缺乏“自我”，那種缺乏曾經(jīng)讓我非常憂慮和不安。我總是不明白為什么我會(huì)那么深地感受到他人的痛苦，為什么我可以從不知名的人身上看出他人的印痕。是因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有所謂的自我來(lái)左右我感受的信息吧。我以為我缺少些什么，我以為我對(duì)他人的理解是因?yàn)槲胰狈ψ晕摇Ｄ莻�(gè)曾經(jīng)是我深感羞恥的東西其實(shí)是種啟示。

　　And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more from my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen.

　　當(dāng)我真的理解我的自我不過(guò)是種映射，是種工具，一件奇怪的事情發(fā)生了。我不再讓它過(guò)多控制我的生活。我學(xué)習(xí)管理它，像把它帶去看醫(yī)生一樣，我很熟悉那些因自我而失調(diào)的舉動(dòng)。我不因自我而羞恥，事實(shí)上，我很尊敬我的自我和它的功能。而隨著時(shí)間過(guò)去，我的技術(shù)也更加熟練，我可以更多的和我的本源共存。如果你愿意嘗試，不可以思議的事情也會(huì)發(fā)生在你身上。

　　I was in Congo in February, dancing and celebrating with women who've survived the destruction of their selves in literally unthinkable ways -- destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves all over that beautiful land are fueling our selves' addiction to iPods, Pads, and bling, which further disconnect ourselves from ever feeling their pain, their suffering, their death. Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life. And in that disconnected state, yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows, destroy marine life and use rape as a weapon of war. So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it.

　　今年二月，我在剛果和一群女性一起跳舞和慶祝，她們都是經(jīng)歷過(guò)各種無(wú)法想象事情“自我”遍體鱗傷的人們，那些備受摧殘，心理變態(tài)的自我充斥在這片美麗的土地，而我們?nèi)园V迷地追逐著ipod，pad等各種閃亮的東西，將我們與他們的痛苦，死亡隔得更遠(yuǎn)。如果我們各自生活在自我中，并無(wú)以為這就是生活，那么我們是在貶低和遠(yuǎn)離生命的意義。在這種脫節(jié)的狀態(tài)中，我們是可以建設(shè)沒(méi)有窗戶的工廠，破壞海洋生態(tài)，將奸作為戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的工具。為我們的自我做個(gè)解釋：這是看似完善的世界里的裂痕，海洋，河流，石油和鮮血正不斷地從縫中涌出。

　　Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.

　　關(guān)鍵的是，我們還沒(méi)有明白如何和自然以及其他所有生物和諧地共處。我們只是瘋狂地想和其他人溝通，幾十億其他人。只有當(dāng)我們不在和世界合一的時(shí)候，我們瘋狂的自我卻互相憐惜，并永遠(yuǎn)繼續(xù)這場(chǎng)相互隔絕的疫癥。

　　Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins.

　　讓我們共生共榮，并不要太過(guò)激進(jìn)著急。試著放下沉重的自我，點(diǎn)亮知覺(jué)的火把，尋找我們的本源，我們與萬(wàn)事萬(wàn)物之間的聯(lián)系。我們初生時(shí)就懂得這個(gè)道理的。不要被我們內(nèi)心豐富的空白嚇到，這比我們虛構(gòu)的自我要真實(shí)。想象如果你能接受自我并不存在，你想要如何生活，感恩生命的可貴和未來(lái)的驚奇。簡(jiǎn)單的覺(jué)醒就是開(kāi)始。

　　Thank you for listening.

　　(Applause) 謝謝。

　　(鼓掌)

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